Motherhood is Emotional

When I was pregnant I had terrible mood swings. It was only a GLIMPSE of how emotional I would be as a mother.

Most days I feel so happy to be a mommy and stay home (mostly full-time) with Creighton. But other days I feel so cooped up and would rather do anything than stay at home. Pushing cars around on the floor saying, "vroom-vroom"... some days doesn't seem so fun. Good thing Creighton likes to browse at TJ Maxx. Sometimes I cry when I think about how much I love him and when I ponder how special he is. Occasionally  in the middle of the night I go into his room, pick him up, snuggle him, and tell him how much I love him. Funny... when he was an infant and wouldn't sleep at 3:00 am I felt so frustrated. I never would have imagined I would CHOOSE to be up in the wee hours with him. Sometimes I am regretful because I feel like I was a mean mommy that day. I didn't play enough with Creighton, I raised my voice to him... The list of "I shouldn't have..." can get quite long. I get scared when I am not with him. I fear that something scary or upsetting might happen to him and I won't be there to comfort him. However, this is just plain silly. Creighton is delighted to be with anyone, doing anything and I'm sure most of the time doesn't mind I'm gone. I feel so loved however when I do return and he gives me his special grin and reaches his arms for me. I do feel an immense amount of pride to be his mom. When I see him accomplish something new I think, "That's MY boy!" I get scared thinking about how quickly the time has seemed to pass. I laugh as we wrestle with daddy on the living room floor and at night as I tell Cason about the events of the day. I get angry when I read in the newspaper or watch on the TV about people abusing children... and then I sometimes cry. I get defensive when people make comments such as "Well, those ears are something, aren't they?" or "He's kind of skinny... doesn't eat much, eh?" And I feel supportive of all other mothers because we are all going through the same things.

Some days I feel like a wreck-how is it possible to feel so many things? Men and woman are SO amazingly different in their capacity to feel emotions. I am grateful to be a woman, and a mother, and experience them all. Sometimes all on the same day.